it's ended, officially

what has ended , ya say? semester one that is! hahahaha yup sem one has ended. a short one indeed. the semester started in july and now , november it has ended. short 5 months. it felt slow and dragging at first. but things got faster as time moves forward.

lots had happened. the good the bad the whatevah. Alhamdullilah I got through the first sem in one piece.

still remember the first day. i felt numb. like my brain is numb.i mean , was numb.

second day. the numb healed itself. it went away bit by bit.

third day , still the same. fourth day , still the same. fifth day , numbness getthahell outta my brain.

week 2. getting familliar. still tryinna get used to being looked at by passer-by who choose to take the kajang silk highway. though we aren't exactly allowed to mencari-publisiti by sitting around the main part of the building , which faces the highway , but occasionally people stare. fine by me. i am proud. so , look all you want people.

week 3 so forth and so on i can't really remember anything in particular. except maybe whining about how dang bored we are during breaks. long 2 hours doing nothing but taking stupid naps and reading the newspaper multiple times at the ass-cold library.

but on thursdays.me and classmates sometime went to pekan kajang. just to have something to do. nothing attracts me at pekan kajang but any place other than mestech itself during break , is good enough. why thursdays? my class have the longest break on thursdays. from 11 am to 2.30 pm. so yeah , how could i ever stand still for 3 and a half hours?

during puasa. whole thing was different. i commute from home. so the excitement of coming home at the end of the day beats the boredom. that one month , i could stand doing nothing for 3 and a half hours.

after puasa , i discovered that staying at home and studying in kajang does not go hand in hand. it goes hand in butt instead. i got too tired to do anything other than sleep when i got home. all the money my parents gave me for transport seem worthless. i decide to not make the money they've spend worthless no more , so i stayed at ukm. occasionally i do make impulsive decisions of going back. but most days of a week i stayed at zaaba.

then there was this trip to UMBI. molecular bio institute under HUKM. oh. before that was a hari raya celebration at mestech. celebration?? well , yeah , kinda. there was makan2 and nyanyi2 and lucky draw. was fun. i even got a comment from a class mate of what i wore that day :

classmate: tira. baju da lawa tp kasut je slack.
me : ow. hahah (senyum2)

apparently i wore a black kebaya with the whole batik works paired with sneakers which i wore with yellow socks. i think she meant " tp stokin je slack" hahah

back to the UMBI trip. it was.. half fun , half hungry. the trip was not hungry but i was. especially when we were at the MALAYSIAN COHORT. dang. how hungry was i. we passed by a cafeteria or something and i smelled freshly stir-fired nasi. thehell with cohort , i thought. the fun part is , to be at the place where my lecturer is taking her masters at. only then i knew how masters class are. they are nothing like diploma classes. very small number of students. cramped in a small place. each have their own study table cramped with lappies , notes and other stuff u could imagine. their tables sat beside working labs. stressful much. but i guess , if u are getting ur masters u must've gotten used to all that.to see all the equipments were pretty exciting when i actually understand how it works. otherwise , kire cukup syarat je la.

then came the finals. i was terrified but it didn't motivate me enough to dig deep into my notes. instead it drew me to the movies. i felt bad. no. cross that. i feel bad. i know i have screwed up my own self for not having freaking self-control. but it is done and i regreted it. but i do hope for the best outcome.

i wish that Allah forgive me and i hope all of us will get the outcome we want , on His will.

the semester has ended or shall i say the beginning of the new semester has started it's engine. now , giving the signal to corner into semester two. looking at the side mirrors for obstacles.clear.looking at the rear-view mirror to see if anything form the past should hold the trip.clear.loose the signals.set.go.

it's final peeps. final.

on monday 2nd of november mark the first day of my first ever uni final exam!
sem one is coming to an end. don't know what to feel. maybe partially excited partially nervous.

but whatever it is , i'm trying hard to focus only on the finals. even now , i am trying. but the temptation to have my hands on the unoccupied laptop is quite a challenge.

some 'things' are happening. i really don't know how to handle it. but i'm enjoying the phase. jarang2 jadi kan. not even jarang2. never. so , it gets awkward at times but when it is fun , IT IS fun. constantly reminding myself of what my parents have told me. to be strong and not be swept by setan2. sometimes feel like throwing myself on the wall multiple times cos so...kekeke.. how to say.. feel silly. kahkahkahakahak bodooooo ar. so this is how it is like eh. geli ah plak~

have i confessed my concern towards scha al yahya. only becos i find her so f cool. in a way that she's like this girl i wanna have my crush on. hope she stays under the radar. celebs zaman sekarang mmg ci.ba.i

i am neglecting my boys b again. egh. but i have zay who keeps me hanging on. today , i woke up , turned on the tv and see MY HEAVEN mv playing on mtv. and no. not in JK HITS or PLAYLIST but in MUSIC MATTERS. they are included in a show inline with muse , greenday , linkin park etc. they were even mentioned in TIMES magazine. how BIG BANG is that? <3

right now , i'm in my mom's refugee jeans and a blue striped top and i have not taken my bath. it's 10 am and felt like a long day already. how great it is to wake up early and perform my prayer in time. it's good i'm telling you.

back to the finals , physics is the first paper. then chemist. then healthcare. after that i don't remember no more. i just want to kick ass and get it over with. ALLAH gimme strengthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ;))

oh yeah. yesterday had an alone time with my 'sayang'. drove her around my area. parking here and there. tu pon kelam kabut. haha. i'm just clumsy with machines. ape laaaaaaaa.

saw jennifer'sbody. danngggg u sexy beast megan fox. yeah most girls found her slutty but that's who she is and for now i'm okay with tht. i'm fineeee with girls like that cos she suits being that. amanda seyfried is hot in her own way too. the guy who plays CHIP is cute too. bole laa. saw him from sumwhere but didn't remember when or whre.

okayh until next post when i will have more to type about.

i got a feelin

that the upcoming days would be a whirlwindtornadofusedwithlightningsandstuff.
the reason behind e statement? my final is on the 1st of november but the vibe ain't getting around yet! or should i put it this way : the vibe is HERE. but i ain't feeling it YET.

i desperately need to score 3.5 the least.as the aim maintains at 4.0 (i've learned from the past that the best thing to do is to aim the highest regardless what or why) if i crash-land on my face , it should at least worth 3.5. i need to prove something to myself.

plus , there is some happenings that's making me freaked and rushing with adrenalines at the same time. for me to feel two mixed up emotions at once is way overwhelming on its own. what more with the pressure from the finals , my own urge to achieve something above just average. however , am not exactly hating this. ;)

it's 12 now and tomorrow waiting for me are maths and cell bio quizzes. i know right about now , i sounded like a freshie u student desperate to get the attention of anyone who reads tryna tell em that "hey i'm a apart of that 'student life' now". i'm telling ya' : i hate what i'm typing now too. but i guessed it sorta become a ritual that you had to do even if you're not quite fond of it. so yeah whatevah

[te amor's playing rite bout now and that brings me to hhhhhhhhhhhh] agh dammit. whatevah. i really wanna puke it all out here on this screeen but afraid if i do so the thrill of it would wear out and there's no more freaky-adrenaline-rushing moments for me to look forward to. so let's just stop it.rite.here.

just listened to 'russian roulette' by rihanna on youtube. that's new eh? rite? i hope it is. it's been longgggggggg since i last be the one who suggests hot songs to my peeps. i don't listen much to radio like i used to. not much of big bang either. music's been far from me lately. but i think it won't be long before i get back on track babayh.

mannn seriously i need to stop this now and dig my face into the notes. but like always that's easier said than done. i'm feeling kinda sleepy tho' i know i am not. but the visual of me answering the quizzes in agony tomorrow is making me wanna sleep it off and just... do it. but this matters like heck so. i am. stopping. here. now. i must. later.

just. hello

lately been feeling complicated.
like things are tangled like my hair.
tryinna untangle it now.
turns out. i think it's not that tangled.
it's just me. ?.? ah wtheck

danggg i am more than relieve that presentations are almost done with.
just another one. chemistsry. tho' i'm not so worried cos it's a group one.
i'm a mess when it comes to solo ones. maybe i was too dang confident that it turns out to be anyhting but that.

to talk in front of a lot of people takes a lot. u gotta believe what u're saying and know what u're saying. that the confindence burst out without force. honestly. the formula has been tried and tested.

heck with tht. now trynna foucus on finals. on first of nov. 14 days after that 2MONTHS FREAKING AWESOME BREAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

a bit nervous to face the end. no not a bit. heck nervous. must must must get 3. i need to proof something to my self.

i just figured out that i have SLEEP APNEA.a sleeping disorder where ur breathe stops for few seconds in your sleeps. it tends to happen 5-50 times per hour and that's exactly what happened to me so it's confirmed. i am a sufferer of sleep apnea. my airways at the throat is blocked by my anak tekak. i supposed. then i can't breath and feels like gonna die. started hearing voices and imagining weird images. this is actually the scientific explanation behind the situation where most people claim MEREKA DIHEMPAP JIN.

i don wanna talk big here but besides that , to think logically , sleep apnea is the answer. to prevent? recite doa , wash your feet and face , be calm , change your sleeping position to ur right side and godforbid sleep apnea. i tried doing thise things and it really works.most of the time.

cannot wait for finals cos i can';t wait for the break. till later , good bye!

mengigau.

i am in that part of the month now.
been very moody (sial tol)
istifar istifar istifar foooooh..

okay2. now i'm ready.

first let start with this tantrum tht i created without conciousness.
in two words "aku mengigau".

for non-malay-reading readers out there , mengigau is pretty much like sleepwalking only it doesn't only involve walking in sleep. but it can be just about anyhting that you do without your own conciousness. u may say something or do something but wake up the next day not knowing what happened until (if) someone who knows tell you about it. geddit? i sucked at explaining so if u still sees BLANK then google okay?

now , back to my story.
on friday , i got home at 8.30 pm. ma picked me up at setiawangsa. i was so worn out cos the class ended pretty late and the bloody KTM was so crammed up. i was smelling like shit , my face is puffy , i feel.. completely.. BERDAKI. but then , my sleepiness beats all that i fell asleep on my bed at 9.30 pm. i had a pretty good sleep until...

my sis naha and naja cme running into my room and jumped on my bed. now , here's what I REMEMBERED happened : i was shocked so i got up from my sleep , sat up , and maybe scolded them and ask them what the hell is going on. then i also remembered going down stairs (in shock) and continues to sleep at the couch.but apparently...

my siss told me that wasn't what happened. well , partially it was. but there was some other 'creepy' but funny things i did when i suddenly woke up the moment they jumped on my bed.they said..

i woke up suddenly (like i was in shock) and then i grabbed naha's clothes and basically kinda violently ask her "apahal ni apahal ni" few times. then naja told me she answered "tade pape la" then she said i screamed like a bloody emotional person " si@l bab1 si@l bab1!!!!" apparently my screaming of curses were so loud that even my bro ajiq who was at the living area outside my room , looked into my room to see what the hell is going on. and he usually couldn't careless.naja said she and naha didn't expect that i would act like an insane possesed person like that.and HONESTLY..

i DID NOT REMEMBER DOING ANY SCREAMING OR CLOTH-GRABBING. i was pretty sure that i did all that UNCONCIOUSLY. i was MENGIGAU. my siss even said...

my face was so damn butt ugly , my eyes were so sepet and wasn't fully opened. as if i was still half-asleep. so..

yeah. it's confirmed. no wonder why , cos i didn't wash my face nor my feet before i landed on my bed. i was dirty. i was an easy target of syaitan. hence , the tantrum. kinda scary though cos right after i got up i felt weird my heart pumps way fast so that was why i continued sleeping downstairs , on the couch.

lesson to be learnt and remembered till i die : never go to sleep when u r not ready.
ready as in being CLEAN as in wash my face , feet and to remember to recite a doa.

ugh man. it felt weird and embarassing. what if tae yang sees me like that? xp